Good Luck @ WORLDS JUNIOR 5

CHEER CENTRAL SUNS J5

ANNA

Everybody, please think good and happy thoughts and keep your fingers crossed for the Cheer Central Suns Junior 5 team this weekend in Orlando Florida. This is the first team from Colorado to receive a bids to WORLDS COMPETITION!

CHEER CENTRAL..LETS'S GO SUNS!!!

On to my next project...

Done with the Bergens Yearbooks...so on to my next project...

Well, you know that Anna's team Cheer Central Suns Junior 5 is heading to Orlando Florida in one week for the Worlds Competition...Yeah!!! Anna and I decided to make ornaments for the team. We bought them in Orlando last time we were there. They are Mickey Mouse Ears. We then applied the SUNS logo on them, and hand painted WORLDS, the girls names and the year. Just thought you'd like to see...Anna will pass them to her team on SUNday...

To my dear friend L...

“A person's a person, no matter how small.” -Dr. Seuss

I wanted to talk to my friend L about the loss of her baby E. E was born still at 22 weeks gestation. Is the loss of her son, any different than the loss of my son. To me, no. To others, yes. Why is this?

When I recently saw the movie, Horton Hears A Who, I got goosebumps when this quote was spoken. 'A person's a person, no matter how small.' How true. Poor Horton carried around this little clover, full of live. Nobody believed him, because nobody could see them.This is no different for L. Her son was born still, BUT still born. He lived inside of her. But because he was small, nobody sees him, nobody believes in him? Horton fought for this little clover with the speck. L fights those who dismiss her son.

L fights for her right to be called a mother to her son. Think about what you say next time to a woman, who loses a child at an earlier gestation. Think about her loss. The loss of her child. The loss of her hopes and dreams for her child. The loss of her future.

"There is no foot too small, that it cannot leave an imprint on this world..."

In honor and memory of baby E...

My Pooh...

I had never been a big Pooh fan until after Maddux died. (Again, I have to give thanks to Sandy Puc' and Dave Junion...[NILMDTS DVD OF MADDUX]) Now I see so many messages that are directed to me from Maddux, in Pooh form...Call me crazy, and to some extent, I just might be. But hey...I believe in the small things now. I believe in what makes me feel better, and gets me through the day...This was sent to me today by a post grief friend. Ones who truly understand. Thank you Linda...

Dear Mommy,

“Promise me you'll always remember. You're braver than you believe,

stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think . . .” A. A. Milne quotes

-Love Maddux

Dear Maddux, I promise with all my heart, that I will never forget you.

Even if I live to be one hundred, I will always remember. xxoo Mommy

Winter Wonderland...Wait, It's SPRING!!!

Views from our side and back yard...

Look at what it is doing today...12 inches expected.

Isn't it supposed to be spring?

Glad Kristy was driving the girls to Cheer tonight!

Cheer Central Suns Coaches

Want to know why Cheer Central Suns has the best program in the state of Colorado, and surrounding states for that matter?
Check out our coaches...and YES, I said coaches...Here they are:
http://video.aol.com/video-detail/cheer-central-suns-open-team/1961516810

APRIL IS DONATE LIFE AWARENESS MONTH

National Donate Life Month was established in 2003. Every day in April, people across the U.S. make a special effort to celebrate the tremendous generosity of those who have saved lives by becoming organ, tissue, marrow, and blood donors and to encourage more Americans to follow their fine example. Did you know that more than 95,000 people are in need of an organ for transplant. Each day, about 77 people get the organ transplant that gives them a second chance, but 17 to 19 others die because they did not receive an organ transplant. If you would like to read more about my personal experience with organ donation, click HERE.

Laurie and I in November...2007

Know what is funny? Not really funny, but ironic? In March my friend Laurie and I were going to do a photo session with Grant Oaks. I wanted to show our scars in the image, with something that said donate life...I was just looking for a donate life image to put with my top post...and came across this image:

This was taken by photographer Bryce Fields in Kentucky who's wife received a kidney from a friend in 2007. All my best to her and her friend.

Truly a selfless gift.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

OK, another funny story about a kidney...Mike and I went to Vegas with our friends Ali and Tony in February of this year. Mike and I are playing poker at Caesars Palace. I have cashed out, and am walking out to the lobby area, and Jennifer Harman walks right by me...She was there doing some taping for a poker tournament. What do I do? What do I do...??? I tapped her on the shoulder. Yes, tapped her on the shoulder. She is really little, I am 5'4". I Said hi... and right away told her I wasn't a freak or a crazy fan. One of the reasons Mike had 'agreed' to my kidney donation was because of Jennifer. She had received a kidney in 2004 from a relative, and is doing wonderful. So here I am in the lobby of Caesars talking to Jennifer Harman, telling her this kidney story. She was super nice. I then asked her if I could introduce her to my husband in the card room? She said 'sure'. Do you know what Mike felt like when I walked up the the poker table he was sitting at with 10 other guys, dealer included, and said, "Mike...I want you to meet Jennifer Harman...Jennifer this is my husband Mike..." It was like one of those Visa commercials...PRICELESS! Thanks again Jennifer, for your kindness....Oh, and of course I usually always carry my camera, EXCEPT for this night!

I am lucky...

I get to add another original piece of artwork to my collection...

This one is an Anna Haggard Original...

FYI

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross's Five Stages of Grief-as told by Susan L. Fuller

Yes, we've all heard them. Some of us know them by heart...denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I'm not saying you are not going to experience these things. There's a good chance you will, but not necessarily. Although real healing comes when we reach acceptance, too many never get there for reasons that are way more complicated than the 5 stages of grief suggest. What I can say with certainty, is that even if you do experience all of these "stages", you will not experience them in any kind of linear fashion, and you will probably experience each of them many times, not just once before you're done. It would not be uncommon to go from denial to depression, back to denial, to anger, to depression, to acceptance, and back to depression and anger, and then back to acceptance. Nor would it be unusual for anger or depression to pop up years later for a return visit.

What makes grief harder...

• Judging and evaluating your grief...asking am I doing this right?

• Putting up a brave front...pretending you're really doing well when you're clearly not

• Trying to rush it...listening to time tables about what you should be feeling when and trying to fit your grief into someone else's box.

• Trying to forget...the person, the death...this never works

• Spending time with people who don't get it, and are clearly uncomfortable with your pain

My Portrait Of Grief

I spent the evening with a group of NILMDTS moms last night. We called this an Angel Play Date. You know this term 'playdate...' Most moms are able to get together with their children so the moms can talk and the kids can play. A little interaction...We just had to think outside of that little box. Anyhow...We brought items to share of our babies, and one thing that stood out were our images. One image in particular...Our Portrait of Grief. All of us had one. All of us had not shared this image openly. I have decided to share mine with you, for one last time.

Here is the image of Maddux and myself... I don't think I need to explain this image. The pain on my face is clearly evident. But still you can't see this pain, or hear this pain or even begin to comprehend this pain. You close your eyes and turn away. You cover your ears, and change the subject. I have been honest and open with you. I have shared my son (your grandson, your nephew) Maddux with you. You haven't accepted this gift, that he has given to you. I feel like you have discarded him. Thrown him away. Denied his existence with your own selfish actions! I feel hurt and betrayed by you. If I could take every little piece of him back from you, I would. You don't deserve him.

Another cute story...

The One Flaw In Women
By the time the Lord made woman, He was into his sixth day of working overtime. An angel appeared and said, 'Why are you spending so much time on this one?' And the Lord answered, 'Have you seen my spec sheet on her? She has to be completely washable, but not plastic, have over 200 movable parts, all replaceable and able to run on diet coke and leftovers, have a lap that can hold four children at one time, have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart-and she will do everything with only two hands.' The angel was astounded at the requirements. 'Only two hands!? No way! And that's just on the standard model? That's too much work for one day. Wait until tomorrow to finish.' 'But I won't,' the Lord protested. 'I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart. She already heals herself when she is sick AND can work 18 hour days.' The angel moved closer and touched the woman. 'But you have made her so soft, Lord.' 'She is soft,' the Lord agreed, 'but I have also made her tough. You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish.' 'Will she be able to think?', asked the angel. The Lord replied, 'Not only will she be able to think, she will be able to reason and negotiate.' The angel then noticed something, and reaching out, touched the woman's cheek. 'Oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model. I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one.' 'That's not a leak,' the Lord corrected, 'that's a tear!' 'What's the tear for?' the angel asked. The Lord said, 'The tear is her way of expressing her joy, her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her love, her loneliness, her grief and her pride.' The angel was impressed. 'You are a genius, Lord. You thought of everything! Woman is truly amazing.' And she is! Women have strengths that amaze men. They bear hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy. They smile when they want to scream. They sing when they want to cry. They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous. They fight for what they believe in. They stand up to injustice. They don't take 'no' for an answer when they believe there is a better solution. They go without so their family can have. They love unconditionally. They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards. They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding. Their hearts break when a friend dies. They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left. They know that a hug and a kiss can help a broken heart. Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors. They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you. The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning. They bring joy, hope and love. They have compassion and ideals. They give moral support to their friends. Women have vital things to say and everything to give. HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE TINY FLAW IN WOMEN...IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

Not Funny, Chase...

Chase came home from school today, and started tormenting Anna with the shaving cream. Anna was not amused. So, as part of an arrangement, Anna got to slap some cream on Chase's face...Yes, mom did too. Especially after she got it in the face...and had to clean it all up...kitchen floor, cabinets, Baxter, front door, windows...need I go on?Poor, little innocent Natalie, coming home from school...

Just minding her own business...

(hey it's only fair that she partake in all of this fun...right?)
Oh no...what is wrong with Chase??? Run Natalie RUN!!!
AAHHHHH!!!
He got you....Not Funny Chase!!!

Brighton Tournament

Sliding into home...SAFE!
Beautiful single...

Chase, pitching.

Hey, batter batter...
It was cold and windy tonight. Here is the hubster all bundled up. Wimp...
Had to add this. PLAY OF THE NIGHT...The ball was thrown all the way from left field by Trent to homeplate to Dillon. Now, neither of them are my son, but I was the photographer, and thought I did a mighty fine job. Oh yeah, he was OUT! Unfortunatly, we lost this game.

For more information on the Evergreen Storm Team, click HERE for our blog.

Baseball Season has started...

Not only is today the Colorado Rockies first home game...BUT...The Evergreen Storm Baseball season is also starting. Yippee!!! Tonight we have a scrimage game again'st a team from Alaska, and then tomorrow, yes I said tomorrow...our first tournament! You can rest assured that I will update frequently with pictures of Chase, aka 'Hollywood.'

15 YEAR ANNIVERSARY

Today, Michael and I celebrate 15 years of marriage. I'm not sure if using the word celebrate is the correct word to use. We have definitely had our ups and downs. We have experienced the miraculous birth of four beautiful children. We have experienced together, the death of a child. Our finances can be high one year, and lower the next year. Marriage is stressful. Life is stressful. Raising a family is stressful. But here we are. Still doing it. And I think we do it well. I have found my soulmate. A person I look forward to growing old with...Did I say looking forward to growin old with? I should have said, a person that I AM growing old with...LOL!!! Gray hair, wrinkles and all...Do we have our differences? Yep! Are we on the same page all the time? Nope! Mike might skip ahead to the next chapter, with out reading the rest of the last chapter. But at least we are reading the same book...Marriage is not something to be taken lightly. Marriage is a lifelong commitment made by two people who truly love eachother and want to build a life together, forever. Too many people marry this day and age, with the idea, that there is always an out, if it doesn't work out. Marriage takes alot of work...hard work. But it is definitely worth it. True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be. The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have.

There is a song on my blog at the bottom of this page...By Michelle Featherstone, titled Man and Wife. Listen to it. You will love it...

I would like to share some of my favorite quotes today:

If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, So I never have to live without you.~Winnie the Pooh

It's not having what you want. It's wanting what you've got. ~Sheryl Crow

Get Married. Stay Married. What a concept.

Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.~Robert Fulghum

Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring and integrity, they think of you. ~H. Jackson Brown, Jr

They say it takes a village to raise a child. That may be the case, but the truth is that it takes a lot of solid, stable marriages to create a village. ~Diane Sollee

If the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, it's because they take better care of it. ~Cecil Selig

"My wife tells me that if I ever decide to leave, she is coming with me." ~Jon Bon Jovi

"Remember, you married her, you didn't hire her!" ~Dr Phil

Prayer request for baby CJ and his family:

I received an email (below) from a friend of a mother who is experiencing the death of her child, CJ. I would like to ask all of you to add CJ and his family to your prayers. Thank you.

Dear Cheryl and Sandy,
I just wanted to thank you for your wonderful organization. My very wonderful friend Margaret gave birth two weeks ago to the sweetest, most precious boy. She found out earlier this week that he has Trisomy 13, and he will not likely live much longer. I sent her the link to your website, and a photographer came out this morning and took pictures of her, baby CJ, and her dear husband. This is, I think, the only bright spot for her in what really feels now like an insurmountable tragedy. It is something for her to hold onto forever, and I can’t tell you how thankful I am to you for giving that to her. We will, of course, thank the photographer when I know who she is.

I’m so sorry that this organization was born out of such personal tragedy for you Cheryl. It is so kind of both of you, other volunteers, and all of the photographers to take your time to give this gift to people who feel so lost.

Here is a link to CJ’s site if you would like to see him: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/christopherjordangodhard.

Thank you again, truly.

Carolyn Crook

Beautiful day...

Nat has a friend sleeping over tonight...They decided to play ball with Jeter.

I'm still trying to figure out which one had the better time...

Natalie always has a beautiful, shining smile on her face.

Aahh, to be young and innocent again. Not a care in the world.

This is what childhood is all about.

Cute Joke...

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little girl (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."

Humility

Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth. Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled. Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God. Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God. (KJV, Matthew 5:5-9)
Humility or humbleness is a quality of being courteously respectful of others. It is the opposite of aggressiveness, arrogance, boastfulness, and vanity. Rather than, "Me first," humility allows us to say, "No, you first, my friend." Humility is the quality that lets us go more than halfway to meet the needs and demands of others.
Friendships and marriages are dissolved over angry words. Resentments divide families and co-workers. Prejudice separates race from race and religion from religion. Reputations are destroyed by malicious gossip. Greed puts enmity between rich and poor. Wars are fought over arrogant assertions.
Humility as a virtue is a major theme of both the Old and New Testaments. Why do qualities such as courtesy, patience and deference have such a prominent place in the Bible? It is because a demeanor of humility is exactly what is needed to live in peace and harmony with all persons. Humility dissipates anger and heals old wounds. Humility allows us to see the dignity and worth of all God's people. Humility distinguishes the wise leader from the arrogant power-seeker.
Acting with humility does not in any way deny our own self worth. Rather, it affirms the inherent worth of all persons. Some would consider humility to be a psychological malady that interferes with "success." However, wealth, power or status gained at the expense of others brings only anxiety -- never peace and love.

Hannah Montana?

Grandma and Grandpa Sooter sent Natalie a Hannah Montana wig.

As you can see, Baxter likes to wear it also.

Happy, Happy Easter...

Here are some images of our day, so far...

Our eggs...
Anna, coloring easter eggs...
The Easter Bunny brought Natalie a Build a Bear Bunny...
Chase, refusing to have is picture taken...as usual.

LETTER: A reminder: the True meaning of Easter By TOM ROYAL

I’d like to point out two wonderful passages from the Apostle Paul about Easter.First, from 1 Corinthians 15:3-6: “For I delivered to you first of all that which I also received: that Christ die for our sins according to the Scriptures, and that He was buried and that He rose again the third day according to the Scriptures, and that He was seen by Cephas, then by the twelve. After that He was seen by over five hundred brethren at once, of whom the greater part remain to the present, but some have fallen asleep.”

Secondly, from Philippians 2:5-11. “Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God, but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and coming in the likeness of men. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross.Therefore God also has highly exalted him and given Him the name which is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of those in Heaven, and of those on earth, and of those under the earth, and that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.”
May we all have a blessed and meaningful Easter.

The Haggard Family

To those who look away...

To Those Who Look Away:
To those who look away when I grow teary-eyed walking past the baby department, look a little deeper. Surely you have some compassion in your heart. To those who change the subject when I speak my son's name, change your way of thinking. It just might change your whole life. To those who roll their eyes and say that we barely had him at all, how could we miss him so much, in my heart I have seen him live a thousand times. I have seen his first steps, first day of school, his wedding, and his children. I have him forever in my mind. To those who say to get on with my life, I have. It is a different life now, the life of a grieving mother. One with a tremendous amount to be thankful for, but also one with a lot to mourn the loss of. Do not judge the bereaved mother. I come in many forms. I am breathing, but I am dying. I may look young, but inside I have become ancient. I smile, but my heart sobs. I walk, I talk, I cook, I clean, I work, I AM , but I AM NOT, all at once. I am here, but part of me is elsewhere for eternity. Do not dismiss me! I have shaped more than just the future generation. I have released a tiny angel who is watching over you. Open your eyes to US and you just might see him.

~~~ Author Unknown ~~~

Romans 8:28

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.

Cause and Effect...

My daughter Anna is doing a lengthy report about Anne Frank. Today we actually found the movie, rented it and watched it with Natalie. Of course both girls asked me several times throughout the movie "Did this really happen...Is this a true story?" I paused the movie several times to answer their questions as best that I could. Tonight I walk away from this story about a young girl growing up, and her death, and I am so very very sad. How could this happen in the world? Even today, in our world, you don't have to look very far to see prejudice, intolerance and injustice. Friend against friend, brother against sister. How can I teach my children about tolerance, and justice when I have these issues within my very own family? How do I explain that to MY children? Anne Frank wrote: "Despite everything, I believe that people are really good at heart." Maybe I am wearing rose colored glasses, but I believe this too. We teach our children to know the difference between right and wrong. We teach them to do the 'right' thing. Eventually the choice is ours. But the consequence is this, we ALL have to live with OUR choices. How and what do you want your children to learn? Then ask yourself, 'What would Jesus do? Simple as that! Cause and effect. One day your children and my children will grow up and be the effect of our cause. I pray that they know right from wrong. I pray that they will have influences in their lives that teach them to make the right choices. That they will think about the effects of their cause. The reactions to their actions...As I have learned in my life, these influences do not have to be positive, for the child, to learn and know how to make the right choices. Think about that!

What my name means:

You entered: Cheryl Ann Mueller Most authorities agree that the full birth name as recorded on your birth certificate is the name that must be used for all calculations involving name. Nicknames, changed names including marriage name changes do not dilute the importance of the name given to you by your parents.
There are 16 letters in your name.Those 16 letters total to 78 There are 5 vowels and 11 consonants in your name. What your first name means:
Welsh Female Variant of Carys: Love.
German Female Feminine form of Charles.
English Female Variant of the French Cherie: dear one; darling. Rhyming variant of names like Meryl and Beryl.
Your number is: 6
The characteristics of #6 are: Responsibility, protection, nurturing, community, balance, sympathy.
The expression or destiny for #6:The number 6 Expression provides you a truly outstanding sense of responsibility, love, and balance. The 6 is helpful and ever conscientious, making you quite capable of rectifying and balancing any sort of inharmonious situation. You are a person very much inclined to give help and comfort to those in need. You have a natural penchant for working with the old, the young, the sick, or the underprivileged. Although you may have considerable creative and artistic talents, the chances are that you will devote yourself to an occupation that shows concern for the betterment of the community.
The positive side of the number 6 suggests that you are very loving, friendly, and appreciative of others. You have a depth of understanding that produces much sympathetic, kindness, and generosity. The qualities of the 6 make the finest and most concerned parent and one often deeply involved in domestic activities. Openness and honesty is apparent in your approach to all relationships.
If there is an excess of the number 6 in your makeup, you may exhibit some of the negative traits associated with this number. There may be a tendency for you to be too exacting and demanding of yourself. In this regard, you may at times sacrifice yourself (or your loved ones) for the welfare of others. In some cases, the over zealous 6 has difficulty distinguishing helping from interfering. You may have difficulty expressing your own individuality, because of involvement with responsibilities and causes. Like all with the Expression of the number 6, it's quite likely that you worry much too much.
Your Soul Urge number is: 1
A Soul Urge number of 1 means: Your Soul Urge is the number 1. With a Soul Urge number of 1, you want to lead and direct, to work independent of supervision, by yourself or with subordinates. You take pride in your abilities and want to be recognized for them. You may seek opportunities to display your strength and usefulness, wanting to create and originate. In your desire to manage the big picture and the main issues, you may often leave the details to others.
The positive 1 Soul Urge is Ambitious and determined, a leader seeking opportunities. There is a great deal of honesty and loyalty in this character. If you possess positive 1 Soul Urge qualities, you are very attainment oriented and driven to success. You are a loyal friend and strictly fair in your business dealings.
The negative side of the 1 Soul Urge must be avoided. A negative 1 is apt to dominate situations and people; the home, the spouse, the family and the business. Emotions aren't strong in this nature. If you possess an excess of 1 energy, you may, at times, be boastful and egotistic. You must avoid being too critical and impatient of trifles. The great need of the 1 Soul Urge is the development of friendliness, and a sincere interest in people.
Your Inner Dream number is: 5
An Inner Dream number of 5 means: You dream of being totally free and unrestrained by responsibility. You see yourself conversing and mingling with the natives in many nations, living for adventure and life experiences. You imagine what you might accomplished.

Gift from a stranger:

Click his name to read what it says:

I have never thought about what Maddux's name meant. Is that not odd of me? I know that Mike picked his name after baseball player Greg Maddux.

So, today in the mail I receive a beautiful gift from a stranger. A gift from her heart. This is perhaps one of the most treasured gifts I have ever received, and again, from a beautiful stranger...Here is what she has given me"

"Enclosed you will find a special gift for you and your family in honor of your son, Maddux. After having done this for some time now, I have had the opportunity to witness the divine purpose God has in the names He has given us and how well-suited they are for each person and who they are meant to be. I searched the web for the meaning of Maddux as it was surprisingly not in the resources I have on hand. I wanted to share with you what I found and hope it gives you great comfort and joy."

"His name means "Giver". One listed it as "Benefactor" which I loved. I am a word nut, so I went to dictionary.com to find other synonyms. The list couldn't be more appropriate...I'm sure you will agree."

"Helper, advocate, angel, champion, comforter, defender, preserver, sponser, supporter, sustainer, upholder, donor, contributor, Good Samaritan, humanitarian, philanthropist, promoter, protector."

"However, this was my favorite part."

"A benefactor is someone who provides a gift. A benificiary is someone who receives it."

"God's plan is always so much bigger than what we see with our own human eyes. He had a strategic purpose for Maddux's life and for making him yours. Your love and obedience has fulfilled the very gift and purpose God had for his life, and, as a result, you are blessing the lives of many others. Hebrews 13:20-21"

Her name is Kelly Hansen, and her gift is Inspirational Arts...art with a message.

Kelly's gift will be a blessing in my life forever!

Have you ever wanted to...

sell everything, move to a third world country and do charity work? Sometimes I think about it. Seriously...look at how we live. Why? Why do we need everything we have? I have a 6 bedroom 4 bathroom house. Why? Why did I want to buy such a large house 5 years ago? That is the old Cheryl...Anna and Natalie sleep with me when Mike is away...and when he is home, they both sleep together in the guest room near our bedroom. Ha! Guestroom! Thats funny...Like we ever get guests anymore...Seriously...I question why? WHY? It just doesn't make sense anymore...

Blog

Ok, so I have changed it again. Are you interested in redoing yours? Contact Nikki with Blogs for a Cause. She charges very very little, and even donates some money back to a charity. I had her change this, and change that...I'm sure she never wants to get another email from me again...hahaha! Thank you Nikki.

Chase in Florida

Don't laugh, but these are the only pictures I have of Chase in Florida...Here is Chase, with Tori and Anna on his shoulders...

Chase, sipping his Virgin Pina Colata...
and his squirrelly friend... Chase has always been an animal lover...

My dear friend, Wendy

Natalie was so excited to see 'Dendy' in Florida

And her daughter Tori...We all were...

Sleeping Anna and Macy...

Just had to share a pix of Anna and Macy. He missed us so much while we were in Florida. He ALWAYS sleeps right next to Anna...with his little arm, or leg, wrapped around her.

The TODAY SHOW and NILMDTS

Of course aired while I was on an airplane to Orlando with my children. I only got to watch this yesterday for the first time, and I want to share it with you, if you haven't already seen it. It is a beautiful piece that follows a photographer from MN with a family requesting NILMDTS services. I have always said, that this is what NILMDTS is all about. Not Maddux, myself or Sandy...But about the other photographers and their families.

The Today Show ran an extraordinary piece on the Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep Foundation on March 5, 2008. The segment journals the relationship between Olivia Lundberg and her family and NILMDTS photographer Jessica Person of the Twin Cities Area, Minnesota. This story is the perfect representation of what we do here at NILMDTS and why our mission is so important in the communities we serve. All life deserves to be honored no matter how short its time on Earth and that is exactly what all of our phenomenal volunteer photographers are doing each time they help a family in need.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/23481435#23481435

2008 UCA National All Star Cheerleading Championships

I have been soooo out of the loop lately. I am so sorry. Mike and I were in Vegas with friends, and then turned around and headed to Orlando with the family for Anna and Natalie's Cheerleading competition. Just got back home, and have to start on the school yearbook which is due Monday. Why do I put so much stress on myself...???
Anyhow, here is a quick update on the girls.
Chase, again, was fortunate to spend his vacation time in Wellington, with his best bud John. He does not want to hang with the parentals for girls cheerleading...maybe one day, when he is older...

http://www.varsity.com/vwired/08nascc.asp?page=webcast#set

Look for Cheer Central Suns Youth Level 3-Took home 6th place.

And Cheer Central Suns Junior Level 5- Took home 3rd place.

Let it go...

Thank you to my dear friend Wendy, for sending this to me. Thank you also for your ear, and your shoulder. You are a true friend.

Let it go ...by T. D. Jakes
There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk. I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone. When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left. People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay. LET THEM GO!And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over.

The Flu Bug:

This bug has been running through my family. First with Anna, then Chase, now me. I swear...I even got the flu shot...and I still got this nasty little bugger...I think that if you get the flu, after getting your shot, you should be reimbursed your $25.00
The girls had state competition yesterday. There I was, sitting for 7 hours with a fever, chills and nasty cough. Got home last night, and was basically delerious...

Mike and I are leaving town tomorrow for Las Vegas with our friends Ali and Tony...I have started a round of antibiotics...and that stuff to get rid of the mucus guy...(You know the commercials...) He has taken up residence in my body...yuck!!!

And the bummer is, we NEVER get sick. Last time I was sick like this was in September 2005. I had the worst case of the flu that I have ever had...

Music to my blog:

If you haven't already noticed, I have added some music to my blog. Some of the songs might be a blast from the past for you...they remind me of when I first met Mike. (we used to dance to Information Society, Pure Energy-and let me tell you, Mike can dance...)Other songs are more recent, relating to Maddux. One song, especially, that I listened to after his death...Just as loud as I could in the car-of course with out kids, called My Immortal by Evanescence -The Live in Paris version...I have recently fell in love with the song my Michelle Featherstone called Sweet Baby...Brings tears to my eyes...Other songs, are just some of my all time favorites...I also like the song from the Pearl Harbor soundtrack. And, boy o' boy, the message from the Black Eyed Peas, 'Where is the Love...'I wonder that ALL the time. Our world is totally messed up...I have alot of songs from the Movie, Love Actually...One of our favorites. Mike is ALWAYS traveling, and the end scene in the airport, with people meeting their loved ones, touches my heart every time. I have my list set to shuffle, so hopefully when you visit again, there will be a new song playing....
Thanks again for visiting.

The internet...what an incredible tool!

On a side note: Chase is really into music. Alot of metal...But, I would NEVER subject you, the listener to it...And Anna...totally opposite from Chase. She is more into the 'shake your booty' tunes...My Natalie? Hannah Montana-all the way...and some of Anna's booty shaking tunes...

New Blog Colors

Are you wondering about my new choice of colors for my blog?Here is my answer. I live in Colorado. I am not a big football fan, but I do like the Broncos and their colors. They are orange and blue. Then, a few years back we saw Kentucky Elite perform at a National Cheer Competition. They were amazing! Well, guess what colors they are?Yep, Orange and Blue... A few years ago when we were with our old cheer team, I tried to talk them into be called Colorado Elite Cheer with the colors of orange and blue, but nobody listened to me. Now there is a team with that name, and I think they are purple and black?????Oh, well...We are happy where we are, now.

We also have a 72 Chevrolet K2 Blazer that is, you guessed it. Bronco Orange. We call it the Beast...Love driving this in the summer. It is a death trap, though.

My favorite shirt is my vintage Orange Crush shirt. You can see it to the left...I mean right...My other left...

Newsweek Article-Love, Loss and Love

http://www.newsweek.com/id/72013

Just got done reading this arcicle on Love, Loss - and Love. This article talks about families that have lost a young child, and decided to try again for another child. One passage really stuck out in my mind. "The most profound attachment in human life is mother and child," says John Golenski, executive director of the George Mark Children's House, a residential facility in San Leandro, Calif., for kids with terminal illnesses and their families. "The best adaptation to [the loss of a child] is another attachment." I am alittle confused by the comment "The best adaptation to the loss of a child is another attachment." So if I am reading this right, in my words, he says: The best way to 'get over' the loss of a child is to have another child...?
I do believe that another child can bring the family alot of healing. (Not as a replacement, but as an addition) But what about the family that can't have any more children, or the family that has suffered numerous losses in a row?
The day after Maddux died, Mike and I were laying in bed, and all our children came into snuggle with us...Anna asked if we could have another baby...Mike said 'maybe...' (I had my tubes tied during my c-section) He knew we couldn't have more children. I was hopeful at his words, and at the same time, heartbroken. He was telling Anna something to make her feel better.
Several of my friends have gone on to have more children, after their loss. While I am so happy for them and their happiness, I still feel so heartbroken, honestly for myself. That I will never be able to hold another newborn of my own. I can't be around a mom and new baby. The pain is still so raw and so deep. Even now, three years after Maddux's death. I feel sad, that Natalie will never have the chance to be 'the big sister...' I see how Natalie interacts with younger children, and let me tell you, she would have been the BEST!
Then there are those who say, "Be grateful for what you have..." Hello? I am extremely grateful. There is not a day that goes by, that I don't give thanks...I am extremely blessed. But that doesn't mean I can't hurt...or that I can't feel that longing...

Another Pencil Portrait

The picture above (in the header of thie blog) of our family was taken by a nurse in the hospital. This is the only image of ALL of us together. The picture is awful. Similiar to the one below. One of the NILMDTS photographers took the image and soft touched it in a sepia tone, but Tasha took it to the pencil mode. I love it. I have decided to use it as our header.I loved this image of Natalie and Maddux together. Can see the emotion in her face, and feel the emotion in her touch? Did I ever use this image? No. Why? Original Image: The lighting is blown out, and the image is blurry. This was taken by the nurse with my camera. Here is the image, that has been 'penciled,' again thanks to Tasha Nichols. Same emotions. Same feelings. She will cherish this image when she grows up.

Family Watch Dog

When you visit this site you can enter your address and a map will pop up with your house as the small icon of a house and red, blue, green, dots surrounding your entire neighborhood. When you click on these dots a picture of a person will appear with an address and the description of the crime he or she had committed. The best thing is that you can show your children pictures and see how close these people live to your home or school. This site was developed by John Walsh from Americas Most Wanted. Another tool to help us keep our kids safe. Please pass this on.

http://www.familywatchdog.us/

"Cheryl, Just read your blog this morning. Went to the link for Family watch dog...
For kicks and giggles I put in our address and clicked on some dots that looked close to our address, but they were in different neighborhoods, and thought thank god. Then I saw a little yellow dot that looked like it could be in our neighborhood. Excuse my language, But xxxx xxxx!!!!! The people who just moved in across the street from us about 3-4 month ago. Not 30 yards away... Someone in the house has been convicted of ASSAULT TO COMMIT RAPE!
Thank you so much for putting that link on your blog. With Kaley being 16, and I'm not being a proud parent, but she's a very fit and attractive girl, I feel safer knowing that I can tell her, and that she needs to be super careful when she comes home at night from work. It also creeps me out knowing this. I suddenly feel super unsafe. I feel like someone should have warned me about this. We aren't the only ones in this general area, block with young girls/women. I feel violated already.
So thank you again for posting that site. You may have just saved us a lot of heart ache~Scott."

Pencil Portraits

Thank you to my friend, Tasha Nichols, of Simply Yours Creations, for this pencil portrait of Maddux. It is beautiful, isn't it?

Another quote:

IF A CHILD....
If a child lives with criticism,
he learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility,
he learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule,
he learns to be shy.
If a child lives with shame,
he learns to feel guilty.
If a child lives with tolerance,
he learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement,
he learns confidence.
If a child lives with praise,
he learns to appreciate.
If a child lives with fairness,
he learns justice.
If a child lives with security,
he learns to have faith.
If a child lives with approval,
he learns to like himself.
If a child lives with acceptance and
friendship,
He learns to find love in the world.
--Author Unknown

Thoughts...

'Those who touch our lives, stay in our hearts forever...'

Once again, we have passed the anniversary of Maddux's birth, and once again, my father and my brother, choose not to remember him. Why? When they both know how much this simple gesture would mean to me? How much healing, it would bring to my heart. Why my older children question me, as to why they don't remember? I thought that his anniversary would be an open door to start relationships again. This would be the year...I was foolish. I had hope...Do I continue to hope, and get hurt? Or just learn not to expect anything? And have no hope? I know I haven't been the perfect daughter, or sister...but do they think they have been the perfect father or brother? This quote simply touches my heart. It makes me think of my son, Maddux. He has touched my life and will stay in my heart forever. Maybe, Maddux didn't touch they're lives...His life has touched so many. Do they not see that? I sometimes feel so foolish...Here I am, a co founder of this incredible organization, and some of my family chooses not to remember. How then, can I convince others to remember? And then I realize, others do remember. I received so many cards and emails, from family and friends, even complete strangers. Other moms email me, telling me about the support they have received, because of NILMDTS. I know that my father and brother do remember. So what is it that stops them from reaching out to me and my family? Guilt? Selfishness? Pride? Do you both realize how much you are missing? My heart aches for you, and I truly feel sorry, for you...

Mike and I saw the movie Parenthood with Steve Martin on one of our first dates. I watched this movie again today, and by doing so, it brought me back to that night...I remember thinking at the end of the movie, when one of the moms is giving birth, how all the family was in the waiting room waiting for news of her safe delivery, the camera shows the very elderly grandmother and all of the families interacting together. All the generations...I have never had this closeness with my family, and it really does truly sadden me. I will try with all of my being to have this relationship with my children. I want to be that elderly grandmother, waiting in the hospital waiting room for my great, great grandchild...As a parent, how could you not, try?

There is also another quote: MY DEAR CHILD You are the poem I dreamed of writing, the masterpiece I longed to paint. You are the shining star I reached for In my ever hopeful quest for life fulfilled...You are my child. Now with all things I am blessed.- Author Unknown
All of my children are this poem and masterpiece...How I wish, I was somebody's masterpiece...

So, as I sit here tonight, I think about my life, my past, my present and my future. I think about my husband, our past, our present and our future. How in love I am with him...He returned from a 5 week trip to Australia alittle over a week ago, and flew to Dallas this am for a night. How lonely I am without him. (This next line will sound corny) But how he completes me...(and NO, I have not watched Jerry McGuire lately...) I think of Chase, Anna, Natalie and Maddux...Their lives. I try to remember every little detail about their births and earlier childhood. I flip throught their photo albums, surprised about how much I have forgotten...I think about their future. I question myself as a mother...Have I done a good job, AM I doing a good job? Is it the relationship that I have with my parents, that makes me doubt my relationships with my children? What will our adult relationships be like? I think you learn from your past. Maybe I have the relationship I have with my parents, to show me the kind of relationship I don't want to have with my children. I love my children, more than life itself...They truly are the joys of my life. Life isn't perfect, nor are people. I have never said I was perfect or had the perfect relationships...But I can and have learned from the ones I have...

Sometimes a thought or a memory can take me straight back to my childhood. To the hurt, anger and resentments. I am learing now, how to let go. Now, I don't feel this pain, I just feel sad. Not sympathy or empathy, just sad...Sad that a parent would not cherish their child's childhood. Sad that a parent would let go of their child. That is something I will NEVER be able to understand.

There is a passage from the book: The Purpose Driven Life, day 2...It says " God made you for a reason. He also decided when you would be born and how long you would live. God also planned where you'd be born, and where you'd live for his purpose. Most amazing, God decided how you would be born. Regardless of the circumstances of your birth or who your parents are, God had a plan in creating you. It doesn't matter whether your parents were good, bad or indifferent. God knew that those two individuals possessed exactly the right genetic makeup to create the custom 'you' he had in mind. They had the DNA God wanted to make you."

My relationship with my mother hasn't been perfect, we both know that. But you know what? We are both trying. And the simple act of trying, speaks volumes...to both our hearts.

Cheer Central Suns takes on the World...

http://denver.yourhub.com/Broomfield/Stories/Fundraising/Story~427798.aspx

Understand...

Thank you to my friend Jennifer for sending this to me...

'Run your fingers through my soul.

For once, Just once,

Feel exactly what I feel,

Believe what I believe,

Perceive as I perceive,

Look,

Experience,

Examine,

And for once; Just once,

Understand.'

Maddux's Third Heavenly Birthday

Dear God,

Please help them remember

That today is a special day.

Please help them to understand

that our memories of Maddux, simply don't go away.

Please bless them with eyes to see, and hearts that care.

Please help them to listen while I share.

Lord, help them see beyond my smile and my tears.

Help them to remember, how I wish my child were here.

Please Lord, never let them know my pain.

Open their eyes and show them how my child's life was not in vain.

Please help them to understand, that I still celebrate the birth of my son,

and that the love I have for him will never be replaced or gone.

Please God, just let one remember...

That this is a very special day...

Help them to remember....

Today is Maddux's 3rd Heavenly Birthday.