Friday, October 3, 2014

Day 3: Before


Day 3: Before
Who was I before Maddux died? I can hardly remember. It seems like a lifetime ago. I remember being that person who took things for granted. I was thankful all my children were healthy, and used to joke that I could carry a baby like a champ. I was meant to be a mother. I had a few people in my life who had lost their babies, and I was thankful that I wasn't one of them. I felt sorry for them, but never understood the full realization... that their 'baby' had died. That they had lost a piece of themselves. I felt that by just knowing someone who had lost a child, was close enough to me, that I felt immune. I had it all, and I think that was all that mattered.
Then Maddux died, and I was blindsided. My world stopped. And I was in a dark place. How did this happen? I remember thinking if I couldn't be a mother to him, I didn't want to be a mother to anyone. I was broken.

No comments: