Sunday, October 5, 2014

Day 5: Journal

Day5: Journal


My life has been an open book since Maddux died, and the creation of Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep. I wanted other parents to know they were not alone. It was important for me to share my story with those who would listen, and I in turn asked other parents about their loss. One thing I had that they didn't? Beautiful photographs. I could see it in their eyes whe...n I showed them Maddux's image. I could see it in their tears when they said they wish they had a photograph of their baby.

I started journaling right after Maddux died on paper. I didn't want to forget a single thing. I am amazed now when I go back and read some of my entries and think "Oh my gosh...I forgot about that!" After awhile, I started online journaling through a blog and the NILMDTS forum. I would always print out what I typed, so I had a hard copy.

So today, when I got out my old journal, and started flipping through it, imagine my amazement when I found an entry written by my daughter Anna from 2010. Tears are in my eyes as I read her entry, and my entry previous to hers. Even now as I type this.

A journal is such a healing tool, and every parent I talk to, I suggest keeping one. A mind can be very forgetful, and protective.

Here is just a bit of what she wrote: "Dear Maddux, Today I stumbled across this journal while I was in the office. I've never in my life felt this much heartbreak for mom. I read the last entry and she was talking about how she wants to see you again and join you in Heaven. Me too..."

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