Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Happy 12th Birthday

From this...
To this...
Anna Pauline Haggard
Born April 30th, 1996 at 10:47am
7 Days LATE!
8 pounds 14 ounces 21 inches long

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Trying to forget someone you love
is like trying to remember someone you never knew.


Everybody, please think good and happy thoughts and keep your fingers crossed for the Cheer Central Suns Junior 5 team this weekend in Orlando Florida. This is the first team from Colorado to receive a bids to WORLDS COMPETITION!


Friday, April 18, 2008

On to my next project...

Done with the Bergens on to my next project...

Well, you know that Anna's team Cheer Central Suns Junior 5 is heading to Orlando Florida in one week for the Worlds Competition...Yeah!!! Anna and I decided to make ornaments for the team. We bought them in Orlando last time we were there. They are Mickey Mouse Ears. We then applied the SUNS logo on them, and hand painted WORLDS, the girls names and the year. Just thought you'd like to see...Anna will pass them to her team on SUNday...

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

To my dear friend L...

“A person's a person, no matter how small.” -Dr. Seuss

I wanted to talk to my friend L about the loss of her baby E. E was born still at 22 weeks gestation. Is the loss of her son, any different than the loss of my son. To me, no. To others, yes. Why is this?

When I recently saw the movie, Horton Hears A Who, I got goosebumps when this quote was spoken. 'A person's a person, no matter how small.' How true. Poor Horton carried around this little clover, full of live. Nobody believed him, because nobody could see them.This is no different for L. Her son was born still, BUT still born. He lived inside of her. But because he was small, nobody sees him, nobody believes in him? Horton fought for this little clover with the speck. L fights those who dismiss her son.
L fights for her right to be called a mother to her son. Think about what you say next time to a woman, who loses a child at an earlier gestation. Think about her loss. The loss of her child. The loss of her hopes and dreams for her child. The loss of her future.

"There is no foot too small, that it cannot leave an imprint on this world..."
In honor and memory of baby E...

My Pooh...

I had never been a big Pooh fan until after Maddux died. (Again, I have to give thanks to Sandy Puc' and Dave Junion...[NILMDTS DVD OF MADDUX]) Now I see so many messages that are directed to me from Maddux, in Pooh form...Call me crazy, and to some extent, I just might be. But hey...I believe in the small things now. I believe in what makes me feel better, and gets me through the day...This was sent to me today by a post grief friend. Ones who truly understand. Thank you Linda...

Dear Mommy,
“Promise me you'll always remember. You're braver than you believe,
stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think . . .” A. A. Milne quotes
-Love Maddux

Dear Maddux, I promise with all my heart, that I will never forget you.
Even if I live to be one hundred, I will always remember. xxoo Mommy

Winter Wonderland...Wait, It's SPRING!!!

Views from our side and back yard...
Look at what it is doing today...12 inches expected.
Isn't it supposed to be spring?
Glad Kristy was driving the girls to Cheer tonight!

Cheer Central Suns Coaches

Want to know why Cheer Central Suns has the best program in the state of Colorado, and surrounding states for that matter?
Check out our coaches...and YES, I said coaches...Here they are:

Friday, April 11, 2008


National Donate Life Month was established in 2003. Every day in April, people across the U.S. make a special effort to celebrate the tremendous generosity of those who have saved lives by becoming organ, tissue, marrow, and blood donors and to encourage more Americans to follow their fine example. Did you know that more than 95,000 people are in need of an organ for transplant. Each day, about 77 people get the organ transplant that gives them a second chance, but 17 to 19 others die because they did not receive an organ transplant. If you would like to read more about my personal experience with organ donation, click HERE.
Laurie and I in November...2007

Know what is funny? Not really funny, but ironic? In March my friend Laurie and I were going to do a photo session with Grant Oaks. I wanted to show our scars in the image, with something that said donate life...I was just looking for a donate life image to put with my top post...and came across this image:
This was taken by photographer Bryce Fields in Kentucky who's wife received a kidney from a friend in 2007. All my best to her and her friend.
Truly a selfless gift.

OK, another funny story about a kidney...Mike and I went to Vegas with our friends Ali and Tony in February of this year. Mike and I are playing poker at Caesars Palace. I have cashed out, and am walking out to the lobby area, and Jennifer Harman walks right by me...She was there doing some taping for a poker tournament. What do I do? What do I do...??? I tapped her on the shoulder. Yes, tapped her on the shoulder. She is really little, I am 5'4". I Said hi... and right away told her I wasn't a freak or a crazy fan. One of the reasons Mike had 'agreed' to my kidney donation was because of Jennifer. She had received a kidney in 2004 from a relative, and is doing wonderful. So here I am in the lobby of Caesars talking to Jennifer Harman, telling her this kidney story. She was super nice. I then asked her if I could introduce her to my husband in the card room? She said 'sure'. Do you know what Mike felt like when I walked up the the poker table he was sitting at with 10 other guys, dealer included, and said, "Mike...I want you to meet Jennifer Harman...Jennifer this is my husband Mike..." It was like one of those Visa commercials...PRICELESS! Thanks again Jennifer, for your kindness....Oh, and of course I usually always carry my camera, EXCEPT for this night!

I am lucky...

I get to add another original piece of artwork to my collection...
This one is an Anna Haggard Original...


Elisabeth Kubler-Ross's Five Stages of Grief-as told by Susan L. Fuller

Yes, we've all heard them. Some of us know them by heart...denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I'm not saying you are not going to experience these things. There's a good chance you will, but not necessarily. Although real healing comes when we reach acceptance, too many never get there for reasons that are way more complicated than the 5 stages of grief suggest. What I can say with certainty, is that even if you do experience all of these "stages", you will not experience them in any kind of linear fashion, and you will probably experience each of them many times, not just once before you're done. It would not be uncommon to go from denial to depression, back to denial, to anger, to depression, to acceptance, and back to depression and anger, and then back to acceptance. Nor would it be unusual for anger or depression to pop up years later for a return visit.

What makes grief harder...

• Judging and evaluating your grief...asking am I doing this right?

• Putting up a brave front...pretending you're really doing well when you're clearly not

• Trying to rush it...listening to time tables about what you should be feeling when and trying to fit your grief into someone else's box.

• Trying to forget...the person, the death...this never works

• Spending time with people who don't get it, and are clearly uncomfortable with your pain

My Portrait Of Grief

I spent the evening with a group of NILMDTS moms last night. We called this an Angel Play Date. You know this term 'playdate...' Most moms are able to get together with their children so the moms can talk and the kids can play. A little interaction...We just had to think outside of that little box. Anyhow...We brought items to share of our babies, and one thing that stood out were our images. One image in particular...Our Portrait of Grief. All of us had one. All of us had not shared this image openly. I have decided to share mine with you, for one last time.

Here is the image of Maddux and myself... I don't think I need to explain this image. The pain on my face is clearly evident. But still you can't see this pain, or hear this pain or even begin to comprehend this pain. You close your eyes and turn away. You cover your ears, and change the subject. I have been honest and open with you. I have shared my son (your grandson, your nephew) Maddux with you. You haven't accepted this gift, that he has given to you. I feel like you have discarded him. Thrown him away. Denied his existence with your own selfish actions! I feel hurt and betrayed by you. If I could take every little piece of him back from you, I would. You don't deserve him.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Another cute story...

The One Flaw In Women
By the time the Lord made woman, He was into his sixth day of working overtime. An angel appeared and said, 'Why are you spending so much time on this one?' And the Lord answered, 'Have you seen my spec sheet on her? She has to be completely washable, but not plastic, have over 200 movable parts, all replaceable and able to run on diet coke and leftovers, have a lap that can hold four children at one time, have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart-and she will do everything with only two hands.' The angel was astounded at the requirements. 'Only two hands!? No way! And that's just on the standard model? That's too much work for one day. Wait until tomorrow to finish.' 'But I won't,' the Lord protested. 'I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart. She already heals herself when she is sick AND can work 18 hour days.' The angel moved closer and touched the woman. 'But you have made her so soft, Lord.' 'She is soft,' the Lord agreed, 'but I have also made her tough. You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish.' 'Will she be able to think?', asked the angel. The Lord replied, 'Not only will she be able to think, she will be able to reason and negotiate.' The angel then noticed something, and reaching out, touched the woman's cheek. 'Oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model. I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one.' 'That's not a leak,' the Lord corrected, 'that's a tear!' 'What's the tear for?' the angel asked. The Lord said, 'The tear is her way of expressing her joy, her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her love, her loneliness, her grief and her pride.' The angel was impressed. 'You are a genius, Lord. You thought of everything! Woman is truly amazing.' And she is! Women have strengths that amaze men. They bear hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy. They smile when they want to scream. They sing when they want to cry. They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous. They fight for what they believe in. They stand up to injustice. They don't take 'no' for an answer when they believe there is a better solution. They go without so their family can have. They love unconditionally. They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards. They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding. Their hearts break when a friend dies. They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left. They know that a hug and a kiss can help a broken heart. Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors. They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you. The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning. They bring joy, hope and love. They have compassion and ideals. They give moral support to their friends. Women have vital things to say and everything to give. HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE TINY FLAW IN WOMEN...IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

Not Funny, Chase...

Chase came home from school today, and started tormenting Anna with the shaving cream. Anna was not amused. So, as part of an arrangement, Anna got to slap some cream on Chase's face...Yes, mom did too. Especially after she got it in the face...and had to clean it all floor, cabinets, Baxter, front door, windows...need I go on?Poor, little innocent Natalie, coming home from school...
Just minding her own business...
(hey it's only fair that she partake in all of this fun...right?)
Oh no...what is wrong with Chase??? Run Natalie RUN!!!
He got you....Not Funny Chase!!!

Saturday, April 5, 2008

Brighton Tournament

Sliding into home...SAFE!
Beautiful single...
Chase, pitching.
Hey, batter batter...
It was cold and windy tonight. Here is the hubster all bundled up. Wimp...
Had to add this. PLAY OF THE NIGHT...The ball was thrown all the way from left field by Trent to homeplate to Dillon. Now, neither of them are my son, but I was the photographer, and thought I did a mighty fine job. Oh yeah, he was OUT! Unfortunatly, we lost this game.
For more information on the Evergreen Storm Team, click HERE for our blog.

Friday, April 4, 2008

Baseball Season has started...

Not only is today the Colorado Rockies first home game...BUT...The Evergreen Storm Baseball season is also starting. Yippee!!! Tonight we have a scrimage game again'st a team from Alaska, and then tomorrow, yes I said tomorrow...our first tournament! You can rest assured that I will update frequently with pictures of Chase, aka 'Hollywood.'

Thursday, April 3, 2008


Today, Michael and I celebrate 15 years of marriage. I'm not sure if using the word celebrate is the correct word to use. We have definitely had our ups and downs. We have experienced the miraculous birth of four beautiful children. We have experienced together, the death of a child. Our finances can be high one year, and lower the next year. Marriage is stressful. Life is stressful. Raising a family is stressful. But here we are. Still doing it. And I think we do it well. I have found my soulmate. A person I look forward to growing old with...Did I say looking forward to growin old with? I should have said, a person that I AM growing old with...LOL!!! Gray hair, wrinkles and all...Do we have our differences? Yep! Are we on the same page all the time? Nope! Mike might skip ahead to the next chapter, with out reading the rest of the last chapter. But at least we are reading the same book...Marriage is not something to be taken lightly. Marriage is a lifelong commitment made by two people who truly love eachother and want to build a life together, forever. Too many people marry this day and age, with the idea, that there is always an out, if it doesn't work out. Marriage takes alot of work...hard work. But it is definitely worth it. True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be. The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have.

There is a song on my blog at the bottom of this page...By Michelle Featherstone, titled Man and Wife. Listen to it. You will love it...

I would like to share some of my favorite quotes today:

If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, So I never have to live without you.~Winnie the Pooh

It's not having what you want. It's wanting what you've got. ~Sheryl Crow

Get Married. Stay Married. What a concept.

Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.~Robert Fulghum

Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring and integrity, they think of you. ~H. Jackson Brown, Jr

They say it takes a village to raise a child. That may be the case, but the truth is that it takes a lot of solid, stable marriages to create a village. ~Diane Sollee

If the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, it's because they take better care of it. ~Cecil Selig

"My wife tells me that if I ever decide to leave, she is coming with me." ~Jon Bon Jovi

"Remember, you married her, you didn't hire her!" ~Dr Phil