Friday, February 22, 2008

Newsweek Article-Love, Loss and Love

Just got done reading this arcicle on Love, Loss - and Love. This article talks about families that have lost a young child, and decided to try again for another child. One passage really stuck out in my mind. "The most profound attachment in human life is mother and child," says John Golenski, executive director of the George Mark Children's House, a residential facility in San Leandro, Calif., for kids with terminal illnesses and their families. "The best adaptation to [the loss of a child] is another attachment." I am alittle confused by the comment "The best adaptation to the loss of a child is another attachment." So if I am reading this right, in my words, he says: The best way to 'get over' the loss of a child is to have another child...?
I do believe that another child can bring the family alot of healing. (Not as a replacement, but as an addition) But what about the family that can't have any more children, or the family that has suffered numerous losses in a row?
The day after Maddux died, Mike and I were laying in bed, and all our children came into snuggle with us...Anna asked if we could have another baby...Mike said 'maybe...' (I had my tubes tied during my c-section) He knew we couldn't have more children. I was hopeful at his words, and at the same time, heartbroken. He was telling Anna something to make her feel better.
Several of my friends have gone on to have more children, after their loss. While I am so happy for them and their happiness, I still feel so heartbroken, honestly for myself. That I will never be able to hold another newborn of my own. I can't be around a mom and new baby. The pain is still so raw and so deep. Even now, three years after Maddux's death. I feel sad, that Natalie will never have the chance to be 'the big sister...' I see how Natalie interacts with younger children, and let me tell you, she would have been the BEST!
Then there are those who say, "Be grateful for what you have..." Hello? I am extremely grateful. There is not a day that goes by, that I don't give thanks...I am extremely blessed. But that doesn't mean I can't hurt...or that I can't feel that longing...

1 comment:

The Asquad said...

you know i'm in your boat. i pray for you on a regular basis. i don't believe that it is a 'sure-fix' to our pain to have another child, however, from experience, i know how it allows us to refocus our mind. nothing will ever completely close the hole in our soul, the longing. i pray that God uses us in His way to fill our void, however that may be. you're doing a beautiful, mighty fine job with NILMDTS! XOXO, HUGS!!