Haggard Children 'Mug Shots...'

Our Bear that represents

our baby Maddux

He was made out of one of Maddux's blankets.

Natalie Anne-2nd grade 'Mug Shot...'

Terror on two legs...

Do not know how she has kept this blonde hair so long,

coming from a family of burnettes...

She is always on the go...Never stops.

Such a sweet heart. Everybody who knows her loves her...

oh, yeah, she is almost as tall as Anna...

Chase's official 8th grade 'mug shot.'

I can't explain to you about the hair...

It's like a Samson Complex...

Last hair cut he got, the girl, (not my girl) chopped it.

He is now afraid of sissors...
Here is Anna's official 6th grade 'mug shot'.

I have to tell you, I think she is just beautiful!
Let me tell you about her personality...Sweet, gentle, ornery, mean.

All her teachers love her. She really is a good girl. With a kind heart...

Mike says she is just like me...

How could Mike and I create such beautiful children?

Infant Loss Awareness

My friend Rayna', and an affiliated photographer for Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep.

Very Powerful Statement!

Help me raise funds for NILMDTS

click pictures for larger image
October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. I have never been good at asking for money. My children never do any fundraising for school or sporting events. Never go door to door selling magazines or wrapping paper. But what do you do when you believe so much in a cause, and you have to raise awareness, and you have to fundraise?

Last year I sent out awareness letters to alot of family and friends. Some donated, most didn't. I will still send out cards this year to the same family and friends. They may not donate, but I will continue to raise awareness. Here is a new approach I am taking. I am going to try to blog a fundraising request also. I know alot of people read blogs. Please take the time to read the message above, and if the mission of Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep touches your heart, please consider donating to the foundation. Remember that all photographers are volunteer. They donate their time and services to these families. Please click HERE for online donations. Or you can send a check to:

The Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep Foundation
7800 S. Elati St. #111
Littleton, CO 80120

All donations are tax deductible and you will be sent a receipt.
Thank you for reaching out.
Cheryl Haggard

CoFounder NILMDTS
When you do donate, please send me an email

so I can personally thank you.

cherhag@nilmdts.org

Finding My New Normal:

I found these quotes, don't know who started them, but I have taken the liberty of changing quite a few of them and adding new ones, to fit my needs personally.

Finding My New Normal

Normal for me is waking up every day, praying that this is all a bad dream.
Normal for me is going through my day, knowing that this is not what I had planned.
Normal is having tears waiting behind every smile knowing that someone important is missing from all the important events in my family's life.
Normal is pulling out images of my older children, at the age Maddux would be now, and trying to imagine who he would look like and what he would be doing.
Normal is having new friends, that also share a similiar loss, because all of my 'old' friends have stopped calling, because they don' know what to say.
Normal is seeing a bouquet of beautiful flowers, and then when I smell their fragrance, I am reminded once again of Maddux's death.
Normal is feeling like I can't sit another minute without getting up and screaming.
Normal is not sleeping very well because a thousand 'what ifs' and 'why's' go through my head constantly.
Normal is reliving the day Maddux died continuously through my eyes, mind and heart.
Normal is having those closest to me, tell me to 'get over it. Life is for the living.'
Normal is having the TV on the minute you walk into the house to have noise, otherwise the silence is deafening.
Normal is staring at every baby who looks like he would be Maddux's age and then thinking of the age he would be now and not being able to imagine it.
Normal is every happy event in my life always being backed up with sadness lurking close behind because of my broken heart.
Normal is telling the story of Maddux's death as if it were an everyday common place event, and then seeing the horror in someone's eyes at how awful it sounds, and yet realizing it has become a part of my "normal".
Normal is each year coming up with the difficult task of how to honor Maddux's memory and his birthday and survive those days, trying to find the balloon or remembrance card that fits the occasion. Happy Birthday? Not really...
Normal is wondering who I am going to upset, because of his memory.
Normal is my heart warming and yet sinking at the sight or sound of something special that reminds me of Maddux.
Normal is having some people afraid to even mention Maddux's name in fear of upsetting me.
Normal is making sure that others remember him.
Normal is that after Maddux's death, everyone else goes on with their lives but we continue to grieve his loss forever.
Normal is weeks, months and years after his death, the grieving sometimes gets worse, not better.
Normal is having those closest to me, not understand that.
Normal is listening to people compare events in their life to your loss. Losing a parent or grandparent is horrible, but having to bury your own child is unnatural. And, let's not talk about pets...
Normal is trying not to cry all day, because I know my mental health and my family's survival depends on it.
Normal is realizing that I do cry everyday and it is ok.
Normal is being impatient with everything and everyone.
Normal is feeling a closeness and common bond with friends on the internet in England, Australia, Canada, the Netherlands and all over the USA, but never having met any of them face to face.
Normal is a new friendship with another grieving mother, talking and crying together over our children and our new lives.
Normal is not listening to people make excuses for God. "God may have done this because..." I love God. I know that Maddux is in Heaven, but hearing people try to make up excuses as to why babies are taken from their mothers is not appreciated and makes absolutely no sense to me.
Normal is being too tired to care if I paid the bills, cleaned the house, did the laundry or if there is any food in the house.
Normal is wondering this time whether I am going to say I have three children or four. Yet when I say I have three children to avoid the situation of explaining his death, I feel horrible as if I have betrayed Maddux.
Normal is wondering if Maddux's grandparents say they have five grandchildren or six.
Normal is asking God why he took my child's life instead of mine?
Normal is feeling that only death can take away my pain.
Normal is knowing I will never get over Maddux's death. Not in a day, nor the rest of my life.
Normal is hiding all the things that have become "normal" for me to feel, so that everyone else around me will think I am "normal."
Normal to me is thinking that you think I am crazy or that I've 'lost it.'

My friend Sarah sent this to me. I wanted to share this:
"Cheryl.. someone sent this to me on a scrapbook page, and I thought of Maddux....~Sarah"

"When God wants something great done in this world, He doesn't dispatch a legion of avenging angels; Neither does He call forth a whirlwind nor ignite the fuse of volcanic fireworks; No commandeneering of troops into to battle nor discharging zealous crusaders to holy causes; He does not orchestrate the hurst and boom of thunder nor display His fiery arrows' majesty across the sky to bring His purpose to pass. When God wants something done in this world...He sends a baby and then...He waits.
- Anita Robertson

In Remembrance 9/11

We hang our flag today in Honor and Remembrance of those who lost their lives September 11, 2001. We also hang our flag today, to remind others that our country is still at war, and to thank those who have lost their lives and continue to risk their lives to protect ours. I personally want to say thank you to their families also. They too, have sacrificed much.

In Peace,

The Haggard Family

M...

I have a little memory box,

with beautiful things inside

to remind me of times past

when you were still alive.

My hopes and dreams are tucked

inside this little box

I pull them out for comfort

when my heart is feeling lost.

Cheryl Haggard

I wouldn't be...

I have a precious photograph
Classic and timeless in it's style
Of time spent with my baby,
who lives in Heaven now.
It shows a little boy,
who is loved so very much
Even death can't stop the feeling
of longing for his touch.

"You should be over it by now,"
you might think or say to me...
But still I have his photograph

Valued more than all the world's wealth.
I wouldn't be who I am without it.

Without it, I simply wouldn't be.

Cheryl Haggard

About Chase...

Mom had some homework this weekend...Had to write about my son Chase to his teachers.
I wanted to share this with you:

CHASE EMERSON HAGGARD

Chase was born in California October 22, 1993 to Michael and Cheryl Haggard. He was our first born. Chase has two younger sisters, Anna 11 and Natalie 7, and a younger brother, Maddux who was born in 2005 and died at the age of 6 days. Our family moved from Florida to Colorado in 2003. We wanted to make the move before Chase started middle school. He left many close friends in Florida, which he still sees every summer and spring break.

Our son Chase, truly has a beautiful soul. He has a good heart and is respectful to his elders and friends. He is very talented with a computer, loves to read and is an exceptional baseball player. We are encouraging him to learn Spanish, so he may speak it fluently one day and teach his mother.

Chase does enjoy school. Chase is a good student, and makes good grades. We both think that EMS is too easy for him. We don’t think that he applies himself 100%. We basically think he does enough to ‘get by,’ with A’s and B’s. He never seems to come home with any homework, telling us that he finished it all in school. We have never had a teacher complain about him or his work.

We believe Chase’s strong points in school are reading, and writing. He has an incredible and very active imagination. If we had to pick a weakness, maybe Science, but he has never expressed trouble or dislike with any subject. Chase is not shy about asking questions, but might not seek help if he has trouble understanding something, especially if it has already been taught and demonstrated. I think that this part of him would try to figure it out himself, instead of making himself look unfavorable in the eyes of a teacher.

We are very proud to have Chase as our son. He has never done anything to disappoint us or cause us heartache. Through his actions, we are judged as parents. As far as accomplishments, what can we say? He is 13 years old. We hope that one day the world sees us, through him.

Anna Banana

I am starting to take some of my film images and scan them to hard copy...

Here is one I ran across of my sweet Anna...How cute is she? She was just alittle over 2years and one month old in this photo...

Nat got a new hair-do...

From this...

to this...

Recruiting for a sister in law...

Greg.

Ok, had to add this picture for Jacquelyn.

She has the right to see the man I am trying to set her up with.

This is more her choice...

See how he loves his neices and nephew?

The Diva, Jacquelyn and the Princess...

(sounds like a book...)

This is Jacquelyn...She cuts, styles, and sometimes colors the Princess and the Diva's hair...

I am trying to recruit her as a sister in law... Really, seriously lets think about this. She LOVES my kids...She is incredibly nice and has a wonderful personality. She seems to love life, and I'm sure she knows how to have fun. I like her...So what more could a brother ask for?

Angel Love

Angel Love

We are connected, my child and I,

by an invisible love, not seen by the eye.

It's not like a love, that connects us 'til death do us part,

this love does it's work, right from the start.

I know that it's there, although no one can see,

this invisible love linked from my child to me.

The strength of this love is hard to describe,

it can't be destroyed, it can't be denied.

It's stronger than any love man could create.

It withstands the test of all time and can bear any weight.

Though you are gone and not here with me,

The love is still there, only I can see.

It pulls at my heart. I am bruised. I am sore.

But this love is my lifeline as never before.

I am thankful that God connected us this way.

A mother and her child...Noone can ever take that away

Don't tell me that you understand:

Don't tell me that you understand, don't tell me that you know.
Don't tell me that I will survive, how I will surely grow.
Don't tell me this is just a test, that I am truly blessed.
That I am chosen for the task, apart from all the rest.
Don't come to me for answers, that can only come from me.
Don't tell me how my grief will pass, that I will soon be free.
Don't stand in pious judgment of the bonds I must untie.
Don't tell me how to grieve, don't tell me when to cry.
My life is filled with selfishness, my pain is all I see.
But I need you and your love...Unconditionally.
Accept me in my ups and downs, I need someone to share.
Just hold my hand and let me cry, and say, "My friend, I care."
~Author Unknown~

Through the eyes of a child:

Just playing around and having some fun...

Dances with Wolves...I mean Elk.

Here are some wonderful beasts that frequent our front yard.

Not to fear, from past years I have learned NEVER to plant anything expensive in my yard. The Elk just eat it. So, now I only feed them weeds...

Titanic Exhibit at the Denver Museum

If you know me at all, you know that one of my favorite movies is Titanic. I can watch this movie over and over...So when I found out that artifacts from the Titanic were going to be at the Denver Museum, I had to go. It was really interesting. What was really cool...When you entered the exibit, you received a boarding pass. This boarding pass had information on it about a real passenger boarding Titanic. At the end you were able to see if your person survived.

I was Mrs. John G. Sage (Annie Elizabeth Cazaly) (44) from Peterborough, England. My husband and our nine children (oldest being 20 and the youngest was 4) were traveling to Jacksonville Florida, in pursuit of a better life. My husband, John, purchased a pecan orchard there. Well, sad story is, we were traveling 3rd class. None of us survived. My family was the largest lost (in numbers of family members) on the Titanic. Really sad, huh?

Natalie was Miss Annie J. "Nina" Harper (6) 2nd Class-Survived
Chase was the Reverend John Harper (Nina's father) - Died
Anna was Miss Jean Gertrude Hippach (16) 1st class - Survived. She was traveling Europe with her mother trying to recover from the death of two brothers in the Chicago Iroquois Theater fire.

I really found this educational not only to my kids, but myself as well, by giving us these boarding pass of actual people aboard the Titanic. Please read the links above about the passengers on the Titanic.

Visit with my friend Mary from KC

My friend Mary and her son, Tyler, made an unexpected visit to our home in Colorado this past week. Since we all loved white water rafting, I suggested another trip. This time we hit Clear Creek Rafting Co. in Idaho Springs, and rafted on Clear Creek...This trip was totally different that the Arkansas River. We had to wear helmets, because of the shallow water and the rocks, and it was about 60degrees outside, with a water temp of about 45...I am so glad the girls and I wore a waterproof jacket...Chase wishes he had also. We all had a blast! We got stuck in this little (I have no idea what you call it) suction 'surf'. Water was pouring into our boat, and we couldn't get out of it...I thought Anna and Natalie were going to 'flip' out. Luckily our guide, got us out of the suction, and we went merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily life is but a dream...

Weekend Get Away

The girls went to see 'Hairspray'...

Boys went to Check out Jessica Biel in

'I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry'

(If John doesn't win an Oscar for his role,

there is no justice in this world...)
View from above
Getting ready to cross the Royal Gorge...
View from the 'other side' looking at the bridge

Our guide 'Flip' and the family

The husband and I were able to take the kiddos on a short weekend trip. Stayed at the Cheyenne Mountain Resort in Colorado Springs. Spent one day rafting with the company River Runners on the Arkansas River and sight seeing at the Royal Gorge.

Favorite Pix's of Chase

Previous tourney play-Note the score-We were the Visitors...
Again, hence, the funny face...

"Hollywood" I always wondered how the right toe of his shoe always wore out...

It doesn't seem like I ever have any pictures of Chase.

He usually runs from my Camera, or makes a funny face.

Here are some of my favorites from the last ball games...

Evergreen Storm Baseball

' NatGirl'
Evergreen Storm and the Lakewood Tigers
Evergreen Storm Players and Parents

Ok, I know alot of you are wondering what happened at State playoffs...

We played alot of incredible teams. The Storm made it to the Championship Game, beating Dakota Ridge to get there. Congratulations to the Lakewood Tigers for 1st Place. Congratulations to the Evergreen Storm for 2nd Place.

Score 5-4 Very Close!!!

I would like to express my disapointment with how this tournament was run. This was the STATE CHAMPIONSHIPS! It felt like just another ball game. All of these teams that made it this far paid alot of money to play in the State Championships. I would be very interested in knowing where this money went to. There was no hype whatsoever. Nothing was advertised. Even the concessions closed early...Most fields were not prepared. There was no backup for rained out games. Shame on them...

On an upnote: At least we had lights...

The Haggard Firecrackers...

Perfect light? Wouldn't you say?

Ever get the idea that Anna wants to be a model?
Happy Birthday Daddy...

Here is Chase trying to teach Jeter how NOT to fetch Smoke Bombs...Stupid Dog.

I like to think of us as being patriotic. I teach my children to respect the American Flag, That we are lucky to live in the United States of America. When Natalie sees a soldier at the airport, she likes to say hello and Thank you to them. We still hang our large flag on 9/11 in honor and remembrance. I teach my children about the soldiers in Iraq, and the sacrifice they and their families are making to keep us safe.

With that said, here are some images of my family, on July4th, which also happens to be my husbands birthday.