Monday, December 1, 2008

Thinking about my life today...

I was thinking about life yesterday and today, my life...how it wasn't supposed to turn out this way.  Things should be so different...I should be chasing a toddler around the house...I saw the cutest triceratops at Costco, and thought, "I should be buying that for Maddux this Christmas." I feel like such an old soul...Chasing Maddux would have kept me younger...at least at heart.  I shouldn't have so much gray hair...I shouldn't be so stressed out all the time...I shouldn't clench my teeth every second...I shouldn't know that so many babies can die... I shouldn't feel 'proud' that Mike and I have held our marriage together in the aftermath of the death of a child...Seriously, how many couples want to add that to their list of accomplishments?...Last night I am on eBay looking at the book Sleeping Beauty Memorial Photography, thinking to myself, I WANT THIS BOOK...just not the price tag that comes with it...my husband looked at me like I was crazy and had lost my mind... Then today I am thinking, 'My life may not have turned out like I had planned or thought it should be, but I have ended up where I was needed and intended to be..'  Beautiful! 

4 comments:

boltefamily said...

I am so sorry for your pain, but I am SO thankful for you and for sweet Maddux!

M. Rayna Hopkins said...

Beautiful...what we wouldn't give to have the knowledge erased from our minds and have our children in our arms.

Davis Family Blog said...

Oh yea, that for sure goes down on the list of quotes that get me!

Anonymous said...

That quote is you have is so beautiful.....absolutely amazing.
Just an FYI- they did a documentary in the 90's on the book. I believe you can buy the dvd or mp3 online and they have a Sleeping Beauty's 2 for I think for around 75 for while they still publish it.