Thinking about my life today...

I was thinking about life yesterday and today, my life...how it wasn't supposed to turn out this way.  Things should be so different...I should be chasing a toddler around the house...I saw the cutest triceratops at Costco, and thought, "I should be buying that for Maddux this Christmas." I feel like such an old soul...Chasing Maddux would have kept me younger...at least at heart.  I shouldn't have so much gray hair...I shouldn't be so stressed out all the time...I shouldn't clench my teeth every second...I shouldn't know that so many babies can die... I shouldn't feel 'proud' that Mike and I have held our marriage together in the aftermath of the death of a child...Seriously, how many couples want to add that to their list of accomplishments?...Last night I am on eBay looking at the book Sleeping Beauty Memorial Photography, thinking to myself, I WANT THIS BOOK...just not the price tag that comes with it...my husband looked at me like I was crazy and had lost my mind... Then today I am thinking, 'My life may not have turned out like I had planned or thought it should be, but I have ended up where I was needed and intended to be..'  Beautiful!