Monday, June 22, 2009

Remembering Ethan

I put this together for my friend Linda, in memory of her son Ethan.  This poem was written by Andy Falkenburg. She refers to her first son Elijah, as her Joy, her son Ethan, whom she lost as her Hope, and her son Mason, as her Peace.  I understand what she you?   

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Lemonade anyone?

Anna in braces...

Happy Fathers Day to my Husband...

Blessed indeed is the man who hears many gentle voices call him father! 
 ~Lydia M. Child

You truly are blessed.  
We love you and miss you.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Denver and surrounding areas...Hail Damage Repair

Massive hail damage in Denver and the surrounding communities on June 7th, 2009.  If you have hail damage to your automobile, call Rick Seele @ 303-949-5098.  They will get you an estimate.  He and my husband, Mike, are business partners.  

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Chase Catching...

Just shooting some footage of Chase catching.  
Nothing really exciting happened...

Chase's Triple

Against Columbine Highschool...

If I am correct with my math, it took him 13 seconds to get to 3rd base...


Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Gotta get me one...

Thought about making my blog, invite only today, and actually did for about 6 hours...because I am still so disgusted with you-know-who...

I had to share it with you...

Daniel on a stick...yum!

Sunday, June 14, 2009


I have stayed away from the computer and news this weekend for a reason.  Then I started thinking more about the story Beccah wrote, and when I finally started reading 'up' on the situation again, I started writing, and the further I got into, realized, that the term "story" just didn't sit well with on...

This story/lie of Beccah, continues to disgust me.  All the Pro Lifers, and the Pro Choicers, spewing forth their opinions.  Turning this into some Godly warfare...This story/lie is NOT about that.  It is not about our choice of religion either.  It is about ONE WOMAN, that invented (lied about) a pregnancy about a little girl, whom she called, April Rose.  A  story/lie about a little girl that was diagnosed in the womb with a condition, that may not have been compatible with life.  It was a STORY/LIE told by a woman, who in this story/lie, CHOOSE to carry this baby to term.  She sought out the support and took advantage of bereaved moms that have walked this journey.  She told a story/lie about being a Christian, and sought out the support from those, who got down on their knees and prayed for her and her unborn child.  Why are people commenting and saying that 'they' deserved to get scammed. Because 'they' sympathized with her and knew the pain she was suffering?   Because 'they' tried to carry some of the "pain" for her???  Because of their religious beliefs? Nobody deserves to be scammed, or lied to.  

I can't say I am pro choice...I can't say that I am pro life.  I can tell you a true story about a wife and mother of three that became pregnant a fourth time.  I can tell you that in the 18th week of  her pregnancy, the alpha fetal protein test came back abnormal.  This wife and mother then decided to have further testing done, and had an amniocentesis.  I can tell you that at one time, this mother and wife would have considered aborting her child if these tests showed something terribly wrong.  I can then go on to say that the amniocentesis and level III ultrasounds all came back normal, and she continued into her pregnancy.  On February 4th, 2005 a beautiful little boy named Maddux was born.  And something was terribly wrong.  This family prayed, and even asked for prayers for their son's healing.  Then, on the 6th day of this little boy's young life, his mommy and daddy disconnected his breathing tube, and he died quietly in the arms of his mother.  This mother and father, had never felt this kind of pain before.  You can't explain it, and unless you have experienced it, you can't feel it.  I'm sure the mother thought that only death... her death, would make the pain stop.    I remember this mother waking up and the sun would be shining, birds would be singing, the world went on without her...she was living in a pit of darkness...a sort of hell, you might say.

Maybe you know the story of this little boy, and maybe you don't.  

Maybe you are a parent that has lost a baby girl or baby boy, and have beautiful images of them.  Maybe, when you look at their image, you see and you feel some sort of hope.  Maybe because of this gift, you have climbed a half of an inch towards the light in that dark pit.   

Something beautiful came from the birth and death of this little boy.  It is called Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep.  Now, for a second, imagine the other side...What if Maddux had never been born?  

Do I believe that God had a hand in my pregnancy with Maddux?  I believe that God has a hand in all pregnancies.  I also believe that God gave us a mind, in which we are to make choices.  My choice may not be your choice, but your choice may not be my choice.  But we both call it the same...a choice.  I also don't want your judgement upon me...I will get mine in due time.

I shake my head, reading some of the things that people have wrote, and wonder 'how can they "say" that?  Seriously, some might consider going back and reading what they have written before they hit the submit button.  

Now, please let me finish by saying this:  Maddux may have been the reason NILMDTS was created, but he is not the reason for the organizations growth and 'success' (for lack of a better term)...That is because of each and every baby story that is posted on the NILMDTS site, other organizational sites and personal blog sites...and the selflessness of the 7,500 volunteer photographers that make up this organization.  Not to forget, the incredible office staff that runs the day to day operations...Thank you.

I don't ever think we will know all the answers as to why this lady Beccah, did what she did...I personally think the deceit is so large, she probably doesn't know either.  

Friday, June 12, 2009

Baby Scam

Chicago Tribune article  I hope the editor with this paper, will assign another reporter to this story, and do the research on what actually happened.  I believe the article is poorly written and that she received most of her information from the con artist.  

I did not follow this woman's blog, and honestly did not hear about her, until early this week, when somebody called me and asked me if she had maternity images taken with Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep.  I got on her blog, which showed only the last two posts, one by Raechel and one by 'D'.  I called NILMDTS headquarters, made them aware of the situation and asked them to follow up.  This woman's actions have really disturbed me, and what she did to the honest, good hearted people that reached out to her to try and help her.  Then, I woke up this morning...

Early afternoon, today, I found out and it is confirmed that she actually DID use the services of one of our volunteer photographers.  She conned a person (a professional photographer) that gives selflessly their time, their heart and monetarily to NILMDTS and to the families that are experiencing the death of their baby, by creating beautiful and lasting memories of the time spent with their child.  Whether in the womb or out of the womb.

This woman, took this from just blogging on line, quite a step further.  Having a maternity session, had nothing to do with blogging over the internet...this is a person that went from lying through cyber space, to actually meeting and conning a real person in real life, not to mention a federally recognized 501 (c) 3 not for profit foundation.  Sessions like this can range from $900.00 to $1500.00 or more, depending on the amount of work done.  Not to mention, rights and usage for the images.  All of this is donated by the volunteer photographers.  I cannot imagine what this photographer is feeling right now.

As a bereaved mother, and then as a CoFounder of Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, I am beyond words, as to my emotions.  I am disgusted by this woman's behavior, and am insulted that she has mocked each and every bereaved parent.  She has made a mockery of our heartache, our pain, ourselves and our deceased children.  Some of us have tried so hard to bring awareness to infant loss, the grief associated with it and ways of remembrance and then this one deceitful person comes along and ridicules our pain and yes, the love we have for our child.  

I have gone through and read the comments left by some people regarding her behavior.  What stands out the most is that this is being made out to be something that it shouldn't be.  This should not be about peoples view on abortion, whether you are pro choice or pro life.  This shouldn't be about religion, and making fun of the 'Christians' and placing blame on them for being so gullible and believing what she wrote.   The people that reached out to her should be applauded.  Not blamed.  This is not their fault.  All blame should be placed on one person and one person alone.  Beccah Beushausen.  


Proud of our son...

Chase had a double header baseball game today.  He was catcher for the second game.  You got a runner from third, headed fast towards home...The ball is thrown to Chase.  He's got the ball, takes a step towards the runner, braces himself, the runner starts to slide, Chase is crouched down low, he blocks the runner from getting to the home plate, but hits him hard.  He's OUT! (the third out of that inning...) The runner gets up, and starts walking away.  Chase catches up to him, near the other teams dugout, pats the kid on the back, and asks him if he's ok...

One dad walks over to me and says:  With what Chase just did, shows the kind of character he has.  My, oh my...I don't think I could have stood any taller...

Mike, we done good!

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Psalm 101:7

"He that worketh deceit shall not dwell within my house: he that telleth lies shall not tarry in my sight." 

'They think they feel your pain...'

Very Interesting Read... 

Munchausen by Internet

I learn something new every day!  But there are somethings I would rather not learn...Like this:  Munchausen by Internet.
What kind of person wants to pretend to be the parent of a terminally ill baby, or even that of a dead baby?  What kind of person preys on the emotions of those that have a special needs child, or the emotions of a parent that has experienced the death of a child? What is this world coming to?

Baby cut from mother...

A follow up to my post below...

This is totally scary.  This is why some women fake pregnancies, lie to their family and friends...But what kind of person takes it to this level, where they would actually target a pregnant woman, befriend her, then horribly rip a baby from her womb?  

This isn't the first time that this has happened:

Albuquerque, New Mexico - 1987

According to the article “Ten Cases of Fetal Abduction in the US,” the first recorded incidence of fetal abduction in the United States happened in 1987 in Albuquerque, New Mexico.  On July 23, 1987, Darcie Pierce, approached Cindy Ray, who was eight months pregnant, as she left prenatal clinic at Kirkland Air Force Base. Pierce threatened her with a toy gun and forced her into a car. She planned on taking Ray to her home, where she had surgical books and instruments. Upon finding her husband home, she then drove Ray to an isolated area and strangled her into unconsciousness. Pierce tied Ray to a tree and cut her abdomen with car keys, delivering a baby girl. She left Ray to bleed to death.  Pierce needed a birth certificate, so she took the baby to a car dealership and told a friend she had just delivered a baby. After tests revealed that she had not delivered a baby, Pierce was taken into custody. 

Brownsville, Texas - 1992

In 1992 a pregnant woman in Brownsville, Texas was befriended by two sisters: Rosa and Paulyna Botello. Paulyna claimed to be pregnant as well. The women took regular shopping trips, and were on their way to a shopping trip in Mexico, when they stopped by Paulyna’s obstetrician. The sisters gave the victim mother the “gift” of her and her baby to be able to visit the doctor as well, since she was on welfare and did not have a great deal of money. The doctor told the women that the mother was fine and he would see them in his office in Mexico. Once they arrived, he re-examined the victim mother and gave her a shot that rendered her unconscious. He then performed a cesarean section and gave the baby to the sisters. Two days later the clinic staff told her the women had her child. Before releasing her, they had her sign some papers that released them from any liability. The victim mother was able to eventually get back to Brownsville where she reported the incident to the authorities. Paulyna claimed that the victim mother agreed to give up the baby due to financial problems. An arrest warrant was issued. Paulyna insisted that the child was hers and had obtained a birth certificate from a mid wife. DNA testing proved it to be the victim mother’s child. The child was returned to the family’s custody. 

Addison, Illinois - 1995

In Addison, Illinois, Jacqueline Williams, her boyfriend Fedell Caffey and her cousin Lavern Ward went to the apartment of Ward’s ex-girlfriend, Deborah Evans.  Evans had a nineteen month old child by Ward. On November 16, 1995, The abductors shot her in the head and stabbed the ten year old daughter to death. They then performed a crude cesarean section, and took the newborn and eight year old boy with them, leaving the nineteen month old unharmed. The abductors cut the eight year old boy’s throat and left the body ten miles from the crime scene.  People from the community identified the abductors, and the newborn was recovered safely. 

Tuscaloosa, Alabama - 1996

In Tuscaloosa, Alabama, Felicia Scott and Carenthia Curry, who was nine months pregnant, were friends. On January 31, 1996, the two had plans to go out to dinner. When Curry did not return home, her family reported her missing. Scott returned early the next morning and told her husband that she had just had a baby. They went to Scott’s sister’s house, and then the hospital where they had the baby checked. They returned home while a massive search was going for Curry. The police interviewed Scott, since she was the last one seen with Curry. She showed them her hospital papers, but then realized that the police would figure out she had previously had a hysterectomy. Scott was then in the middle of telling her father about finding the baby in her car when the police arrested her. Curry’s body was found three months later about 2.4 miles away from Scott’s sister’s house. 

Fresno, California - 1998

Josephina Saldana contacted Margarita Flores in Fresno, California, about receiving free baby furniture and a one year supply of diapers. On September 14, 1998, Saldana picked up Flores at her house to take her to the warehouse to collect the gifts. When she didn’t return, her family contact the police. The next day, Saldana arrived at Valley’s Children’s Hospital with a dead fetus, claiming to have given birth to the child in her car. When tests revealed that she hadn’t just had a baby, she was arrested. While in prison, she hanged herself. 

]Ravenna, Ohio - 2000

Theresa Andrews, who was nine months pregnant, disappeared from her home in Ravenna, Ohio on September 27, 2000. She had received a call about showing her Jeep she had for sale to an interested buyer that was eventually traced to Michelle Bica. When interviewed, Michelle told police she had given birth to a boy the day that Andrews disappeared at a local hospital. Police checked out the story and found that she had not been at that hospital. When they returned to the home to further interview Bica, she committed suicide by shooting herself in the mouth with a .22 caliber gun. The baby was recovered unharmed. 

Okemah, Oklahoma - 2003

In Okemah Oklahoma, Effie Goodson offered Carolyn Simpson, who was six months pregnant, a ride home from work, also offering to give Simpson some baby clothes on December 22, 2003. When Simpson didn’t return home, her husband reported her missing. The next day, Goodson arrived at the hospital with the three-month premature infant. Hospital workers pronounced the infant dead; tests showed that Goodson hadn’t recently delivered a baby. Authorities were notified. Simpson’s body was found a few days later in a ditch 

Skidmore, Missouri - 2004

Lisa Montgomery had met Bobbie Jo Stinnet at a dog show in April of 2004. Montgomery contacted Stinnet asking for directions to her house on the premise of buying one of her dogs. On December 16, 2004, Montgomery arrived at the house and strangled Stinnet, then cut out her baby. Investigators were able to trace emails to Montgomery, who confessed to the crime. 

Ft. Mitchell, Kentucky - 2005

On February 10, 2005, Sarah Brady was invited to Katie Smith’s apartment in Ft. Mitchell, Kentucky. Smith told Brady that her online delivery was accidentally sent to her apartment. The apartment contained surgical tools and a nursery. Smith attacked Brady, who fought back and killed her attacker. 

Kittanning, Pennsylvania - 2005

In Kittanning, Pennsylvania Peggy Jo Conner knocked her neighbor, Valerie Oskin, unconscious with a baseball bat. She then took Oskin and her seven year old son in her car and drove away. After dropping her son off at a relatives’ house, she took Oskin to a wooded area fifteen miles away, and began to perform a Cesarean Section over the scars of an old one. A teenager walking by saw what was happening, and even though Conner assured him everything was fine, he told his father who reported it to the police. 

St. Louis, Illinois - 2006

Tiffany Hall and Jimella Tunstall grew up together and went to the same school. In St. Louis in 2006, Hall went to Tunstall’s apartment and killed her. She cut out the baby from the womb and drowned Tunstall’s three children, ages seven, two, and one. Tunstall’s body was found in a vacant law. The baby did not survive. 

Kennewick, Washington - 2008

In Kennewick, Washington, in 2008, Phiengchai Sisouvanh Synhavong stabbed Araceli Camacho Gomez in the chest multiple times and cut out her baby. Court documents say that Gomez was found with her hands and feet wound in yarn. Synhavong called the police and tried to pass the baby off as her own. When tests revealed that she had not just delivered a baby, Synhavong was arrested. 

Wilkinsburg, Pennsylvania - 2008

Andrea Curry-Demus, who had just been released after eight years in prison for stabbing a woman in a plot to take her baby and kidnapping a baby in the hospital, attacked Kia Johnson and cut the baby out of her womb in 2008. Johnson was found in Curry-Demus’ apartment in Wilkinsburg, Pennsylvania. The baby survived

I have sympathy for these women.  I know from my experience, after the death of Maddux, how it feels to long for something that isn't there anymore.  But, NEVER, would I cause another harm, to get what I don't have!  I am not in a place to judge these women at all.  Nor would I ever want anyone to place judgement on me.  This, I will leave to God.  

Monday, June 8, 2009

Help me understand...

Can someone please explain to me what one says, when standing before our Lord on Judgement Day, when He asks: 

" Why did you fake the miracle of pregnancy, the precious gift of life, the terminal illness of that baby, even to the point of death? What was your purpose of deceiving so many people, that prayed for you and that child? " 

What does one say?  I am so heart aches for this person.  I will be saying a prayer for them tonight. 

Saturday, June 6, 2009

These are cute...

How cute are these pillow cases?  Think I might be getting a set...

Friday, June 5, 2009

To my husband

"So, fall asleep love, loved by me...
for I know love, I am loved by thee."
~Robert Browning

I miss you Michael...

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

An image of my grief...

There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love. --Washington Irving

Part of every misery is, so to speak, the misery's shadow or reflection: the fact that you don't merely suffer 
but have to keep on thinking about the fact that you suffer. I not only live each endless day in grief, 
but live each day thinking about living each day in grief. --C.S. Lewis

I came across this drawing recently, and it just simply fascinates me...
I have held onto it for awhile, not sure that I wanted to share it...
I can't describe it to you in just words...
This drawing that I see, is me...
My eyes see a beautiful, peaceful image very top, of Maddux and myself...
And in my heart, this is a drawing of the grief I carry inside of me every day...
To me, the drawing is still beautiful, maybe not peaceful, but so powerful...