I guess you could say about my experience. Experience about what? Life and Death. On February 10th, when Mike and I found out that Maddux could not survive, we knew in our heart what we would do, what would happen. And after that moment we both turned to eachother, and whispered through our tears, in unison said.."I want photographs..." Why would we want photographs, you might ask? I knew as a mother with three older children, that our healing was going to come by remembering EVERY little detail about Maddux. He is real, forever a part of our family and worth remembrance.
My memories of that night are fuzzy to say the least. It is amazing how your mind works to protect you from painful events in your life. CLICK HERE if you would like to read my letter to Maddux written in 2005...But you know what? I have those beautiful photographs of Maddux. I have a treasure. A priceless treasure.
Never did I imagine that the memories we created with Maddux would turn into such and incredible NON PROFIT ORGANIZATION. I never left our session with Sandy Puc' saying, "Wow...I am going to start a non profit organization to help other parents with the loss of their baby..." Are you CRAZY? I could barely survive minute by minute. Actually, I had no survival instinct at all. I truly would have welcomed my death. That was the only thing that could have taken away my pain. Only after gentle nudging from my husband, my pastor and the friendship and bond that was created with Sandy, did Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep become a reality. Sandy and I both joke to this day, If we had to do it all over again, would she answer our phone call, on that fateful day.
But four years later, here I am, and here we are. I have my ups and downs...that will probably never change. I have experienced deep heartache, that I hope none of you ever experience, but I have also experienced many blessings in my live, and continue to do so, because of the six days I shared with my fourth child Maddux.
NILMDTS started with Sandy, Maddux and myself. But I have always said, that NILMDTS is not about me or us...(and I truly would resent the fact if anybody ever thought different) but that NILMDTS is about that other photographer helping another family create memories with their beloved baby. That is the true beauty of this organization.