I know that tomorow, four years ago, your precious son, Maddux Achilles Haggard past away. I know it was your last precious day, your last precious hours, your last precious minutes, your last moments to last you the rest of your life with him. I know they were the last moments you had with him where his tubes were removed, tape taken off and his bare and beautiful body surrounded in your loving arms. I see how breathtaking he looked. I will never forget you having to convince me that he was already dead in the photographs. I stared agape at the incredible love in your arms holding him, how alive he looked, how perfect. His skin so soft and smooth, his complexion clear and baby perfect. Unyeilding beauty.
I sit here in tears, knowing and not knowing how hard this journey has been for you. I only know how hard it has been/is for me and can't imagine it would be any less tragic, but perhaps more so, because you've now had four years to miss him. Four years without Anna, Natalie, and Chase having their little brother to play with, pick on, teach, and tease, four years with Mike missing his youngest son, four years of missed birthdays, christmas's and halloweens, four years without him. He would have been, should have been, turning four years old, playing with trucks, getting dirty, playing with his big brothers and sisters, mommy and daddy, not four years in memory.
But I am so glad that he was here. I'm so glad you got to hold him. I'm so grateful to him for giving me what I get look at everyday in my photographs of my one and only son. His mommy did that for me. You did that for me and thousands (i think) of other mommy's and daddy's. You both gave all of us the chance to picture the love we really feel for our children. You both did that. Your love for Maddux was so big that it spilled out, all over the world, and has crept into the beds, isolets, NICU's, delivery rooms, and arms, where forever sleeping babies lie. Maddux and your love for him is there, a little bit in all of us. You make him live through your love and your memory. More people love him through you, you've made us all love him and miss him too.
I'm so sorry Cheryl. I'm so sorry that Maddux died. I'm so sorry that he's not here, but i'm so glad that he was.
I received this email from Brona's mom this morning. I really wanted to share this with you. Everything she wrote about, she wrote from her heart. These are perhaps the most beautiful words anyone has ever spoken to me. And they are spoken from another bereaved mother. And not just from any mother, but from Brona's mother. How I cherish each and every friendship that has developed from heartache and tears... from the loss of our precious babies.
Thank you baby Brona, for bringing your mommy into my life.