Question?

Can my Dark Period be over this quickly?  There was something so cleansing about last night.  I cried with Sandy, released Maddux's balloon's, had dinner with my family and good friends, Ali and her family.  Today, I am up, showered and feel ready to take on the world.  Watch out!

Angel Balloons...

These three balloons are for three other angels that share Maddux's angel day...Baby Truman, baby Taylor and baby Emma...blessings little angels.

Here are some of the balloons that we released tonight for Maddux.  

Letter I wanted to share...from Brona's mommy...

Dear Cheryl,

I know that tomorow, four years ago, your precious son, Maddux Achilles Haggard past away. I know it was your last precious day, your last precious hours, your last precious minutes, your last moments to last you the rest of your life with him. I know they were the last moments you had with him where his tubes were removed, tape taken off and his bare and beautiful body surrounded in your loving arms. I see how breathtaking he looked. I will never forget you having to convince me that he was already dead in the photographs. I stared agape at the incredible love in your arms holding him, how alive he looked, how perfect. His skin so soft and smooth, his complexion clear and baby perfect. Unyeilding beauty.

I sit here in tears, knowing and not knowing how hard this journey has been for you. I only know how hard it has been/is for me and can't imagine it would be any less tragic, but perhaps more so, because you've now had four years to miss him. Four years without Anna, Natalie, and Chase having their little brother to play with, pick on, teach, and tease, four years with Mike missing his youngest son, four years of missed birthdays, christmas's and halloweens, four years without him. He would have been, should have been, turning four years old, playing with trucks, getting dirty, playing with his big brothers and sisters, mommy and daddy, not four years in memory.

But I am so glad that he was here. I'm so glad you got to hold him. I'm so grateful to him for giving me what I get look at everyday in my photographs of my one and only son. His mommy did that for me. You did that for me and thousands (i think) of other mommy's and daddy's. You both gave all of us the chance to picture the love we really feel for our children. You both did that. Your love for Maddux was so big that it spilled out, all over the world, and has crept into the beds, isolets, NICU's, delivery rooms, and arms, where forever sleeping babies lie. Maddux and your love for him is there, a little bit in all of us. You make him live through your love and your memory. More people love him through you, you've made us all love him and miss him too.

I'm so sorry Cheryl. I'm so sorry that Maddux died. I'm so sorry that he's not here, but i'm so glad that he was.

Darjee,
Brona's mom.

I received this email from Brona's mom this morning.  I really wanted to share this with you. Everything she wrote about, she wrote from her heart.  These are perhaps the most beautiful words anyone has ever spoken to me.  And they are spoken from another bereaved mother. And not just from any mother, but from Brona's mother.  How I cherish each and every friendship that has developed from heartache and tears... from the loss of our precious babies.

Thank you baby Brona, for bringing your mommy into my life.    

Maddux's birthday cakes...

I made this one...

Natalie made this one...

I made cupcakes to take to my womens bible study...

Smallest Wingless...

Maddux Achilles Haggard

Delivered into this world, February 4th, 2005 

Received unto the Lord, February 10th, 2005

Dear son, we've been waiting for you

Thrilled beside ourselves that you've arrived

White coats came in, heads held low

Talked for a bit, shuffled outside

We closed the curtains,

Held each other,

And cried

We said hello at the same time that we said goodbye.

And smallest wingless, oh you came to us

Leaving as soon as you'd arrived

But sadness is just love wasted

With no heart to place it inside

We closed the curtains,

Held each other,

And cried

We said hello at the same time that we said goodbye.

We closed the curtains

Held on to one another

And cried

We said hello at the same time that we said goodbye.

Craig Cardiff - Smallest Wingless

for Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep

Professional Cheer Images

Finally, I have a wonderful friend who is a professional photographer, who LOVES to shoot my girls.  Yeah!

Uplifting...

I am reading the book "The Shack"  by Wm Paul Young.  My friend Roberta lent it to me, and said that she thought of me throughout the book...I am half way through it.  It is so touching, personal and heartwarming.  I came across two passages that mean so much to me.  I wanted to share them.

Said God to Mackenzie:  "Pain has a way of clipping our wings and keeping us from being able to fly...And if left unresolved for very long, you can almost forget that you were ever created to fly in the first place."  

Said God to Mackenzie:  "There are millions of reasons to allow pain and hurt and suffering rather that to eradicate them, but most of those reasons can only be understood within each person's story.  I am not evil.  You are the ones who embrace fear and pain and power and rights so readily in your relationships.  But your choices are also not stronger than my purposes, and I will use every choice you make for the ultimate good and the most loving outcome."