Ok, Let me tell you how bad of a mother I am...This little girl, has not had a birthday party since Maddux died. Let me explain... January, February and March are extremely bad months for me. If you read my blog, you would know this. My friend coined this my "Dark Period." Maddux died on February 10th, and Natalie's birthday is February 15th. This past year, especially, I was hit with deep depression...Didn't know that did you? Honestly, there were days, that I didn't get out of bed...
This year we were in Atlanta when Natalie celebrated her birthday. I decorated our hotel room door, but because of the schedule, we couldn't do cake or celebrate. Thank God, her team and coaches sang 'Happy Birthday' to her. When we got home, we again went full force with cheer and school...
Now I am not trying to make excuses for my lack of celebration regarding her birth. It's just hard. I know she doesn't understand...
So this week, when Mike was home, we had a Mommy, Daddy, Daughter day. Just the three of us. We took her to lunch, and then had a surprise for her. She had been wanting this 'monkey baby...' I looked for it online though Ashton Drake Gallery...Then I found a Doll Store locally that had one in stock...cheaper. SAME DOLL! WOOHOO!!! Natalie had no clue where we were going...and truly was surprised when we got there. She loves baby dolls, and still plays with them. We told her she could have any baby in the store...this was her special day to celebrate her birthday. She walked straight to the Monkey Baby, and hasn't put her down since...I still gotta bake her a cake.
And my name is Maddux. I live in heaven now. I was born February 4th, 2005, and I died on February 10th, 2005. My family misses me very much. Ask about me sometime, and see how my mommy's eyes light up.
NILMDTS video of Maddux
Christmas Photo - 2007
In Honor of Maddux:
The mention of my child’s name
may bring tears to my eyes,
but it never fails to bring
music to my ears.
If you really are my friend,
please don’t keep me
from hearing this beautiful music:
It soothes my broken heart
and fills my soul with love.
Finding my new normal:
Like the butterfly, I have the strength and the hope to believe. And in time, I will emerge from my cocoon... Transformed.