Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Problems Sleeping

I had alot of problems sleeping after Maddux died. My mind would wonder all night. And when I would finally get to the verge of sleep, I would suddenly jump and startle. I would think of my other children, and literally have panic attacks. My heart would pound. I would break out in cold sweats. My husband would get so angry with me, because I would try to watch TV to help me get drowsy, and that would keep him awake. I told you in an earlier post, that I stopped taking any and all medications, except for just plain tylenol, when needed. So, what can you do when you can't sleep at night?Natalie and I were at the mall one day, getting some shopping done for our trip to Florida. We walked into the Disney store. (now remember, I was not a huge Winnie the Pooh fan...before Dave Junion put Maddux's image to Kenny Loggins song "Return to Pooh Corner..." Again-thanks Dave...) So, there sitting on this shelf is a classic Pooh Bear. Just beautiful. I had never seen one this color before. Very delicate, with little curly fur, and a very pale cream color. Seeing this Pooh Bear, reminded me so much of Maddux. I had such an attraction to this bear...(please don't laugh...)"Come on," I thought. "I am not going to buy this Pooh Bear. I am a grown woman." I picked it up, and held it, and Natalie just went wild. "Buy him, MOM!!! BUY HIM!!!" (she already called Pooh a him...) "No, Natalie. Let's go." So we left the store. I swear, that Bear called me for the rest of our time we were in the mall. I HAD TO GO BACK AND BUY HIM. What was I going to do with him though? Do you know what I did? When I went to bed that night, I got the Pooh Bear out of his bag, (He had on a pink shirt) ((I know -REAL MEN WEAR PINK)) But my husband would never have put his boys in pink, so I snipped the shirt off with sissors. Then I wrapped the Pooh Bear in Maddux's blue "blankie" and crawled into bed. (Remember- all my babies slept with me-still do...Most of the time...) I tried a couple of different positions with my Pooh. I finally settled on my Pooh being placed, tucked alittle bit under my tummy, I am laying on my side, and his head is up, kinda under my ribs. (I still feel like Maddux is inside of me...)I haven't had problems sleeping since...My kids know that this is Mommy's bear, and they can play with him, but can't take him out of my room. I take him everywhere with me. He has been to Florida-Jamaica, Jacksonville (yes Kirk) Austin, Beaver Creek, Breckenridge, Keystone,((FYI-Carry on ONLY)) and when I am just sleeping over at a friend's house--Yes, I still have sleepovers...(remember-everything I do is down in Denver, and I live way up in Evergreen)I had even considered putting some of Maddux's Ashes inside of the bear, but thought if I ever lost him, or if my Beast of a Dog, got ahold of him, I would be very, very, very upset.So, consider buying a bear, to help you sleep. You can go to Build-A-Bear and custom make a bear, that you think would match your baby. Consider putting a sleeper from your baby on your bear. And of course, wrapping him/her in your baby's "blankie."

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